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Friday, September 19, 2008

Sad Day

2 years ago today I lost my best friend to suicide. Its still had to believe its been 2 years there ae days when it feels like it just happened. I still have so many un answered questions and all the what ifs still go though my mind. I wish I would have answered the door when you came over or answered your IMs. But I needed me time. (gosh that sounds so selfish now) There was alot going on in my life, that I couldnt talk to you about because you wouldnt understand. I didnt like lying and covering up your affair and I was done. It wasnt right. You will never know how had it was seeing you cheat on your husband (even if I didnt like him). You slept with a close friend to Drew and I and now our friendship with his is pretty much over. Alot of my friendships with people ended when you died. I felt alot of people blamed me and maybe thats because I blamed myself but things between them were never the same. I was never the same.

2 comments:

MarksMomma said...

Dear dear Stephanie,
this post made me cry, I can feel how much you are still hurting inside. Know that God doesn't blame you, and Ben and I sure don't blame you. Jessica is in God's hands now. And I believe that God's grace goes a long long way. I am praying for you, that God will heal your hurt, and will re-assure you of His love and forgiveness!
*hug*
Your friend Katie

Emily said...

Stephanie,

I am so very sorry for the pain you are experiancing, I wish I could make it all go away. (((HUGS)))